


Nothing else matters

by ClaraCivry (Kat_Of_Dresden)



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hospital, Major Character Injury, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sadness, Whump, basically oswald is in love with ed and ed is badly hurt, cue feelings, oswald pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 07:45:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8437189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat_Of_Dresden/pseuds/ClaraCivry
Summary: Oswald is afraid of losing Ed because of an enemy. One day they find Ed Nygma with seventeen stab wounds on him. The nightmare becomes real.(Inspired by the Metallica classic, obviously)





	

 

It had become one of Oswald's greatest nightmares, one of his greatest fears. It consumed him, ran all through him, it was almost paralysing. The single thought, the simple idea of losing him cause to stop to function, froze him on the spot. He'd become such an important part of his life in a relatively short, he felt he suddenly understood the songs he'd always heard in a brand new way. The world was more beautiful when he was with Ed.

 

He never meant to get so attached to the scientist. It was good to be without attachment for a while, without any sentimentalities, without anyone who could betray him, anyone who he cared enough so that they would be able to hurt him. Good for some time, because in the end it could get quite lonely. And Oswald wasn't all that good with loneliness.

 

Despite all of his grandeur, Oswald was a very fragile creature. A consequence of having being mocked and insulted all of his life perhaps, and the extremely shitty way in which he'd been treated during his first days as lackey. Because he remembered every slight, every nasty look, every shove and push. All those names, all that poison towards him, it had seemed that the whole world had hated him, thought him despisable. Nobody had cared about him but his mother – and she was gone now, gone forever.

 

But Ed... Ed had taken care of him in his darkest moments, had pulled him out of the darkest recesses of his mind, had rescued him, encouraged him, stood by him. And Ed was incredibly careful for every little gesture of kindness, which was incredibly nice considering the treatment Oswald was used to. The brutes he worked with could learn a thing or two from Ed.

 

But it wasn't just the he way treated penguin what made Ed so special, so different, no, he was amazing just on his own, even if he had nothing to do with him. Nygma wasn't just good-looking and gentle, he was caring (like when he asked Oswald if he needed anything when he was arrested), he was interesting, he was loyal, and he was oh-so-very-incredibly smart. Like, smart beyond belief, beyond what should be logical, and Oswald found this incredibly appealing.

 

Oswald cherished every moment he'd lived with the scientist, form the lively dinners with music at Nygma's place to his visits to Arkham and everything that had come after that. Knowing that he had Ed by his side, that he wanted penguin to be victorious, to succeed in all his endeavors, that he was rooting for him... It made Oswald smile and he hadn't honestly smiled in a long time. Ed made him happy just by being present, plain and simple. He was his weak spot.

 

And so, because things rarely turned out well for him, Oswald was afraid, terrified even of losing Ed. Not just losing him to a woman, losing him romantically. He already knew that that was a lost cause, that it was going to happen sooner or later. Ed didn't return his feelings, didn't like him that way, probably never would. It stung and it hurt deeply but he could live with that. It was painful but tolerable.

 

But he wouldn't be able to continue if he lost Ed for good, forever, if he was killed. Oswald had already lost mother, a father he had hardly known... if he lost Nygma too he didn't know if he'd be able to withstand it, it would hurt too much.

 

Ed was so important... He deserved a very long life, full of intellectual challenges, adventures, admiration and applause. He deserved riches, and love and success and all the good things this rotten world could provide. His intelligent needed to be recognised, his talents praised and used for whatever end he saw most appropriate.

 

And despite all of this, Ed had been through so much horror already in his young life. Mocked and called a weirdo all his life, underestimated, insulted for his hobbies and passions, sidelined, hurt in so many ways until he finally started standing up for himself. And that's when they put him in Arkham where he endured horrible experiences and spent months slowly dying of tedium when he was not being used in terrible schemes he didn't really know much about. And Ed pretended to be whole, to not care all that much about it, but all that had happened to him had an effect, one way or another. Oswald couldn't allow anything bad to happen to him ever again – enough was enough.

 

But of course, being close to an influential man like Penguin made Ed a target for both criminals and people from the police force. Sometimes he wondered if Nygma wouldn't be better off without him, safer. He had too many enemies, and hurting Ed was an obvious way of hurting him. So he was afraid and had nightmares in which Ed died in his arms much like mother had done, and he saw the light leave his eyes, felt his body going still. He woke up screaming.

 

And then one day his nightmares came true. Oswald received a call saying that they didn't know what had happened, but that Ed had been found with seventeen stab wounds on his chest and stomach, barely clinging to life, and was in surgery at Gotham general. Penguin's heart stopped for a moment as he took in the news, and he went silent before saying anything to the goon on the phone. After a painfully long moment, he told his man to put as many men as possible to investigate who it had been and make them pay.

 

Part of him wanted to be there, leading the search and finding and hurting whoever had done that, but he was still too numb to be useful. Ed was hurting, he must have been in incredible pain before finally succumbing to unconsciousness. He could die, he could die in a hospital surrounded by people inferior to him in the prime of his life, because somebody had wanted to send him a message. There was a chance that he could die in the operating table, he could die the next die because of complications, he could die without ever waking up again, ever seeing Oswald again. It wasn't fair.

 

Obviously they weren't the greatest of people, and they had lots of things to atone for. Maybe they had it coming, maybe this was just deserts. But they were still people, and they were still capable of being hurt, and of great things too. Now Ed may not do anything else in his life because of his stupid ambition. Oswald screamed and smashed some vases and a crystal table, but found no relief. He needed to see him.

 

But he dreaded to do it. The very few times he'd seen hurt had been some of the worst moments of his life, and at least he'd seen him recover fairly quickly. This time, there was no certainty that he would recover at all, and if he did, it would slowly and painfully. Seventeen stab wounds in his chest and midsection. Seventeen. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven....No. Even imagining it was too painful. With some other people, seventeen stab wounds sounded almost like fun. But someone stabbing Ed seventeen times... that was a nightmare made real.

 

When he arrived at the hospital Ed had just finished his surgery, but wasn't allowed visitors for some hours. The outlook wasn't all that bad, he'd made it this far, but there were significant damages to several organs that could lead to many complications. Too many things that could go wrong. Even if he made it through the night (which wasn't a sure thing) there were many things that could go wrong in the recovery.

 

He'd have to be fed through IV while his stomach recovered, and would need oxygen until his lungs healed completely, which could take a while. The liver had been damaged too, but the Doctors were hoping that the damage there wasn't as severe as in others places. He was lucky that they missed the heart, the doctors kept saying. And yet, Oswald's heart seemed to have broken into a million pieces, shattered inside his chest.

 

He was the first person there when they allowed visitors in the room. It was even more painful, seeing it with his own two eyes. It made this horror more real, undeniable. His glasses had been left by someone on the nightstand next to the bed. It was a nice touch – it made the whole scene more human, more bearable. But that was the only nice thing. Ed was the palest he'd ever been, hooked to a bunch of machines that filled the horrible silence of the room with beeps and mechanical noises. Ed had an oxygen mask and three IV s connected to him. And he was still, still like a body.

 

Oswald tried to stifle his sobs, but wasn't very successful. This was too much, too painful, and the reality of it hit him with full force. Ed was critical, could die at any moment. And suddenly who it had been or why it had happened didn't matter, Gotham didn't matter, Fish and Gordon and the rest didn't matter either, nothing else mattered. Only those vital signs, and they continue for the next minute, the next hour, the next day. Those noises were the only thing that mattered, because they meant that Ed stayed with them. With him.

 

Oswald's face was a mess of tears, he was almost glad that Ed couldn't see him. Almost.

 

“You can't leave, you hear me? We have still so much to do – but we have to do it together. I don't want to... to do anything without anymore...ok? Not anymore. I want you with me, always. Whatever I do, I want you there.”

 

There was no response from the figure on the bed and like many other times before, he wanted to die. All the positivity he'd managed to gather these last months crumbled into pieces and disappeared. Without Ed, nothing else had meaning. Oswald was spent and there was an unending sadness that filled every bit of him.

 

“You can't leave me now.... Don't leave me...”

 

There were so many things that had been left unsaid, because he hadn't wanted to spoil what they had, their friendship. Maybe it had been the right choice, maybe it wouldn't have changed anything. Maybe he'd never know and overthinking all of these was useless. _Focus on the good part, Cobblepot._ He was lucky to have missed his heart, he could still make it.

 

The light were dim in that hospital, the same way the light seemed to be dim in all of Gotham. In the medical dramas the rooms were always more luminous and the doctors and nurses were very good looking and were willing to nearly give their lives, sacrifice everything for their patients. Why weren't they here? Why weren't they doing something more? Was this everything that could be done? Ed needed to have the best medical treatment that there was.

 

Ed wasn't expected to wake for another day at least, because of the sedation they had to put him under for surgery and yet, Oswald was hoping. Hope for a stronger light amidst this darkness, hope for a kind word, hope for something that would make this pain less heavy in his heart, a distraction, something to take him away from here.

 

But he couldn't leave. He needed to hear the beeping, the sounds of those machines, the feeble signs that indicated that his friend was still alive. The minutes went by, then the hours. The life on the city continued, as if nothing had happened. Inside that room, nothing much happened. Ed struggled to prevail and prevent those injuries from killing him, Oswald was next to him, three hours after and still crying a bit. _He's alive, he's alive, he's alive..._ Nothing else mattered.

 

He took one of those cold, lifeless hands on his and let the darkness consume him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Feedback is life and super appreciated! Maybe I'll do something less angsty with these two, sorry about the gloomyness ;)


End file.
